When you busy yourself with any and everything to avoid thinking of them;

When you question if you have to change their contact name or unfollow their accounts and realize you should definitely change your profile picture. . .homescreen too;

When you decide to cleanse your life of every picture, every video, every piece of clothing, every piece of writing, every gift, every keepsake, every last trace of them;

When you suddenly find yourself, less than an hour later, clawing through the digital and literal trash desperately trying to get it all back, and creating an album of their photos and videos to make them easier to find, and spot-cleaning the new stain on their hoodie because you can’t wash it without removing their smell, and cursing your past self for being so stupid, rash, and impulsive—no wonder they left you—and then cursing your present self for being so pathetic, sentimental, and clingy—it’s really no wonder;

When you start asking the what-ifs and obsessing over every little thing you could and should have done differently to save the best thing that ever happened to you;

When you feel a tear rolling down your cheek like a drizzle signalling the start of a torrential downpour;

When you stop answering “Are you okay?” with an automatic response and simply shake your head because you have neither the words nor the will to express your emotions;

When you recognize that others aren’t asking out of obligation, but out of genuine curiosity and concern;

When you notice they have stopped haunting your dreams and invading your thoughts;

When you realize that the memories are no longer painful;

— then you will understand what it’s like to have love and lost.