As you may or may not know, the junior class is currently holding a fundraiser wherein students can put in money to vote on which teacher should get pied. An age-old journalistic tradition of newspapers across the country is providing information to voters in elections, and while the stakes here are decidedly lower, there is no reason why we should not do the same. To help you best decide who to vote for, Huskies Unleashed will consider the pros and cons of each potential splatter.
Mr. Miller may actually view being pied as a positive. After all, he has a large beard that bits of pie may get stuck in, so he may end up with a lifetime supply of easy-to-access dessert right under his mouth. An environmental expert, we can expect him to be upset if pie ends up on the ground, due to environmental impacts; therefore, he will not shy away from all of it landing on his face.
Ms. Fortier, being an English teacher, would surely have the most verbose response to being pied in the face — that would be quite entertaining. Given the somewhat anti-reading nature of our generation, deciding to pie the English teacher would be a quite fitting statement of where the youth stand. Additionally, she is the teacher who leads Huskies Unleashed, and if you dislike our articles, a vote to pie her could be considered a vote to pie all of us, in spirit.
Ms. Barr, a math teacher with a profound—almost alarming—love for pi (the mathematical kind), seems uniquely suited to embrace its edible counterpart. One can imagine her frantically trying to calculate the area of the pie as it hurdles towards her face. But beware, if pied, there’s no doubt her geometry classes will suffer through this same story every time they circle round to radius, diameter, and circumference.
Ms. Love, being the person in charge of punishments, would certainly experience ironic punishment, a classic case of “sticking it to the man” (or woman, in this case). We must also consider that the movie Dr. Strangelove was originally going to end with a pie fight, but this was sadly cut from the final draft. Voting to pie Ms. Love might help make up for this mistake by bringing back the association between the word “love” and the concept of pieing.
We hope that you find yourself informed, or at least bemused, and that you will vote accordingly, after considering the pros and cons of each choice. If you can, in this election, understand the nuances and consequences of the picks, you’re well on your way to becoming a participant in democracy.
